he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
