I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
