They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
