Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
