I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
