I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
