Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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