would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
