i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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