tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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