Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Randomize
