sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
