New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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