There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
