We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
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Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
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I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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