Heybabeimwearingurpanties
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
that may or may not have been my penis.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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