Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
