so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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