Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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