The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
