If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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