I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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