I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
