Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
