Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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