nut hugger
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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