I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
