96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
