9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
