i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It's just like the Real World with babies
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
