I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
