For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
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The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
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Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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