office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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