bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
