She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
