It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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