i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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