We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
