i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
