I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
