the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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