...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
