This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
