when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
