girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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