My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
