you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
