So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
