Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
