I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
