At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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