i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
