I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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