kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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