and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
