Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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