who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
