Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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