you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
