he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Randomize
