she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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