Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
