I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
