apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
