so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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