I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
