U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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