here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
