I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
