either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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