i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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