Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
