please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We got so high we made milksteak
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
