I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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