All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.