yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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