he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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