During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
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So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
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i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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